Makes No Sense

I suspect others reading these words relate to my puzzlement.


 1). A baseball pitcher throws a pitch and the baseball hits the ground in front of the catcher and the umpire insists that the 'baseball' is no longer worthy of game usage. The ball is tossed from the game. The next batter hits a baseball extremely hard and the baseball caroms off two walls in the outfield skips off the dirt and skids across the outfield grass. The baseball is thrown into an infielder who tosses it to the pitcher for the next pitch...'that' baseball is NOT disqualified. Makes no sense.

 2) I have computer router problems and telephone a designated number to get assistance. A recording comes on and asks me if I wish to speak English or Spanish; I say 'English.' The telephone call is then transferred to somebody in India who cannot speak English. Makes no sense.

 3) The correct pronunciation of the letter 'W' is Double-U; not Doubya. But actually, it should be
     Double-'V.' Makes no sense.

 4) People say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too." I say you can't eat cake if you don't have it!
     Makes no sense.

 5) I've seen chicken claws but never chicken fingers, yet you find chicken fingers on restaurant
     menus but never chicken claws. Makes no sense.

 6) My delivered pizza is round but comes in a square box and cut in triangle pieces. Can't they
      make up their mind? Makes no sense.

 7) Why do I press harder on my remote control when I no it needs batteries? Makes no sense.

 8) Why does the grocery clerk asks me if I want to check out at the self service line when she
      knows that I don't work there? Makes no sense.

 9) Academic grades should be E=Excellent; A= Average; I= Inferior. Instead we have A,B,C,D & F
     only the 'F' makes sense.

10) People who say, "I hate to say..." should NOT! That would make sense.

Hypocrisy

I notice more and more of these casino parlors. Some are 'stand-alone' mini gambling joints while many convenient stores and eateries stick a few machines in their establishments to shore up revenue. Our Methodist Church has a social get-together once each month at a local restaurant. The guideline we follow is to avoid restaurants that serve alcohol or offer games of chance.

This reminds me of personal observations back in the mid-1970's, when my father owned a steak house in Collinsville, Illinois. My parents did not drink alcohol and had to address the matter of serving alcoholic beverages in their restaurant. They came to a middle ground in their resolve. The restaurant would have no bar where patrons could just sit and drink but there would be liquor on the menu so patrons could order alcoholic drinks with meals.

My parents were active in their church and my father belonged to the Gideons International and supported local church organizations by offering his establishment for church meetings without charge and discounting meals at near cost prices. The 'church folks' took advantage of my father's generosity for years. The Gideon's decided that they could no longer meet at the restaurant if it sold alcohol.

What was hypocritical about this was the fact that I personally observed other Gideon's dine at the restaurant on individual outings who would order alcohol. The reality irritated me but did not surprise me. I always knew there was truth to the following: 'Never take a Baptist fishing because he'll drink all your beer; take TWO Baptists fishing and they won't drink any of your beer.'
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No Invitation, Yet

The only explanation I can advance is at age 80+, my social filter is completely clogged. Okay, I need to clarify. Approximately, three weeks ago, I was waiting in a nearby McDonald's for a person to join me for morning coffee and discuss some events around this year's 50th Annual Boys' Thanksgiving Basketball Tournament, which I coordinate for the Decatur School District. I had arrived early to make some notes and collect thoughts.

Three gentlemen seated in a booth nearby distracted my thinking with their over-the-top defense of President Donald Trump. Occasionally, I'd hear the name Obama mentioned in very condescending tones. I quickly jotted my own thoughts on a legal pad.

After my brief meeting, I stood to leave and stopped at the aforementioned table. I dropped my legal paper notes on the table with three of my 'contact' business cards. I said nothing. The note held these random comments: Obama would have NEVER been elected President had he> 1) had four bankruptcies, 2) admitted and bragged to sexual assaults upon women, 3) successfully sued for racial discrimination, 4) guilty of a University scam, 5) state that he could shoot somebody and still have support, 6) alleged marital rape, 7) using undocumented workers on building projects and then 'stiffing' them financially, 8) charged with anti-trust violations, 9) alleged mafia ties, 10) beauty pageant scandal and 11) using Foundation money to purchase his portrait.

My phone number appears on those business cards but as yet, I've not been invited for coffee.

Beauty Truly is...Skin Deep.

Usually my annual visit with the dermatologist amounts to her walking a complete circle around my body and zapping areas that show suspected pre-cancer blemishes. During ths year's visit the routine changed. The good doctor found two facial spots that had to be surgically removed. My wife also had the scalpel put to her nose and neck. Just reference us, Mr. & Mrs. Basil.

While in the skin parlor, I asked the dermatologist to checkout the top of my forehead where my kids are always pointing to and asking, "Dad, why is your skin so wrinkly up there?" Well, I got the answer now. The doctor carefully examined the area in question and responded, "Nothing to worry about on the top of your forehead. Your children are just noticing some FATTY DEPOSITS. I've noticed you have 'fatty deposits' on your butt also," continued the good medical lady. Seems as we age the skin develops these fatty deposits. I thought on this malady enough and realized that my face will soon look like my butt, if not already. This means if my wife walks into the bathroom and I'm naked, she'll need to take a second look to determine if I'm getting 'in' or 'out' of the shower.
(Touch
 SkinSkin

A Winter Wonderland For All Ages

The past several winters, my wife and I have been blessed with the opportunity to spend two-plus months at Miramar Beach in the Sunshine State. The way the calendar works out, the last two weeks we are there is the beginning of the college spring-breakers' invasion. Now, those two weeks make for an interesting generational observation and contrast.

First the fellas: We oldsters are up at the crack of dawn just delighted to awaken to a new day. We take our arthritis meds or CBD oil, take the dog for a potty-walk and then begin thinking about serious matters facing us...what foods shall we eat throughout the day. The young male spring-breakers have likely only been in bed perhaps two hours before the old timers roll out and depending on just how much they 'hammered-home' the night before those college lads will look at the day's sunlight with mixed emotions.

The greatest contrast between the female snowbirds and their younger snow-chicks counterpart is observed in wearing attire. The younger set grabs an early tan and then goes all-out attempting to showcase the tan with light-colored tight-fitting T-shirts emphasizing points of interest. The mature girls are usually wearing very lose hanging tops covering lower points of interest and to be sure sweatshirts with printing comments about how much they are loved by grand-children.

We old folks head out to eateries around 4:30pm looking for those early bird specials, which usually gets us back to the rental about the time the spring-breakers are heading to the bars. Life is good!

Look In The Mirror Doofus

I never cease to be amazed by the simple-mindedness, which is rampant in our American society. It is  rapidly spreading like a out-of-controlled case of poison ivy. This mental malady is frequently demonstrated in the naive and unsophisticated comments and claims that most of America's problems could and should be solved by having prayer in public schools. I suspect most folks who take this posture feel as though they've embraced a moral high ground and thus place thyself in a more pleasing light with our Lord. These nincompoops don't have the foggiest understanding of our Constitutional rights nor the importance of separation of Church and State by not establishing a religion.

This past Friday as my wife and I headed to dinner at the Beach House on Lake Decatur, we were delayed by heavy traffic; apparently dinner on the Lake and a nearby concert was a huge attraction for hungry people anticipating nourishment and entertainment. This 8:30 Sunday morning when we engaged the very same traffic route headed to Church service those roads appeared as a scene in Twilight Zone television episode depicting the eerie atmosphere of a vacated ghost town. Seems folks ain't hungry for spiritual nourishment. Of course, we all can rest assured that good parents taking a pass on Church attendance will have their children gather together in their home on this Sabbath day to share scripture readings and prayer.

Nah, Sunday is not a good day for that in American homes as illustrated by some 14%-18% of professing Christians actually 'in' church...hey, it's a golf morning and NFL TV afternoon; anyway that 'stuff' along with educating my kids and teaching them discipline should be done in the schools right after the Pledge of Allegiance and classroom prayer.

'Splain It, Please

On the long-running popular sitcom, 'I Love Lucy,' husband Ricky when perplexed with some antics of wife Lucy, he would often say, "Splain it, Lucy!" Well, I'm frequently confused with events and antics of others and wish somebody would 'Splain it!'

 1. How can retail stores keep allowing profits to be compromised by online Amazon purchasing and yet those stores don't have near the 'on-the-floor employee assistance?' Sooner rather than later the buying public gets tired of waiting in long lines or looking for somebody to assist them.

 2. How can my African-American brothers & sisters get upset hearing that somebody once costumed-dressed in 'black-face' and yet embrace a rap music performer who spews lyrics with the 'N-Word?'

 3. Sports' officials have often been quoted as saying they don't want 'their call' late in the game to impact the game's outcome. Let that soak-in before splanin'.

 4.  Why do Christians keep judging people when their LEADER tells them repeatedly in the Bible not to do that but He will sort it all out when He returns?

 5.  Before graduating high school, a student must pass the United States' Constitution test and a State Constitution test; why are there no tests to pass to become a parent or Congressperson?

 6.  I often hear men of 'The Cloth' tell their audiences that God spoke to them. Many times they go on to explain in detail why I should be interested in that bit of information. Usually, I'm required to respond. Once the late Pastor Oral Roberts told people that God spoke to him and if he did not raise a certain amount of money he (Roberts)!would die. I suppose that information was to motivate me to send Oral some money. Oral would have had a better chance getting some of my money had God spoke to me instead of Oral. Somebody shoulda 'splained that to the good Pastor.

 7.  If Webster defines 'fact' as 'truth' about events as opposed to interpretation then can there really be 'alternative facts?'

 8.  What kind of rationale is behind a retired person voting against a local school referendum based on the logic that their kids are no longer 'in' school?

 9. Why are there so many different religions following the same Savior's teachings?

10. Do those people making their livelihood 'in the city' but live in the suburbs have any clue of their hypocrisy when they are critical of the city?