The Era of Lunatic Parenting

I have been fortunate in so many ways and one major way was growing up in the 1940's & 1950's under my parents roof. In that home, I knew I was loved but not worshiped. In that home, I developed a a sense of expectations as the result of explanations, perhaps a scolding and if needed a swat on the butt. In that home, I wanted to please and make my parents happy. I was told the rules of engagement for me when Company came calling: "You're to be seen and not heard unless you're asked a question...and don't interrupt people talking."

When I branched out from the homestead during teen years, I had curfews and a list of 'no-no' activities with well-defined consequences. I did not push that envelop...I knew better. I was told my teacher was right and bad behavior resulting in school punishment would cause greater reinforcement punishment at home. I experienced that once in the third grade...never again. I was encouraged in my sport participation but cautioned not to show a poor attitude or complain about anything. If I did not like any situation in my sport world, I was told to do something to change things to my liking.

I pretty-much followed my parents 'parenting blueprint,' when I became a parent, yet my children's generation adopted a whole different set of permissive-parenting rules and the generation after that seemingly have but one rule: 'What can we do to insure Junior & Missy's happiness?!'

A few years ago, I was giving a lecture at an East coast private high school, which had an annual tuition price of $30,000.00. During a post speech social hour a well-spoken couple approached me offering this question: "Should we telephone our son's college football coach and ask him to praise his reserves more when interviewed by the media?" I told them to run that idea by their 20-year old son first. Parents of children involved in sports and other extra-curricular activities live in La-La Land wearing blinders. Most are completely incapable of stepping back and seeing the larger picture of these experiences and the developmental benefits. Instead, many parents want their child to be the team's captain, leading scorer and top award winner...screw everything else!

This week a Southwestern, Illinois high school Superintendent opened her email and read the following: "Last night our school played your school in a boys' basketball tournament. While one of our players was shooting a free throw, your cheerleaders were doing a loud cheer, which likely broke the shooter's consecration. This is not good sportsmanship." I'm going to take an educated guess here:
1) It was the emailer's son, 2) the boy's mother was in daddy's ear about this abuse directed towards her offspring, 3) their team got beat and their son has his own auto, does no chores but gets a nice weekly allowance.

Thanks Mom and Dad...thanks.

Excuse me, I must take a walk.