Recently, I was returning late night to Decatur from a St. Louis Cardinals' baseball game. I was driving alone, which lends itself to divergent thoughts racing about my brain. I suddenly had that urge to telephone my mother. She died last December at the age 93. The logical explanation for this reoccurring urge is simple; I had my mother in my life for seventy-three years so it is understandable that the 'urge' to telephone her is seared in my mind! While driving along I-55, I began thinking of a particular conversation I had with my mother several times during the last year or so of her life. The conversation topic placed us at two opposing perspectives. Today, I am slowly but surely seeing the 'point-of-view' held by mother. Let me profile the conversation and explain: My mother was becoming physically challenged and hurting with mounting-maladies associated with aging. She would frequently wonder aloud saying, "Oh honey, I am so tired and weary, I don't know why my Lord and Savior does not take me home, I am ready."
I understand that when people enter their ninth decade of life, they perhaps see their (own) life and its continuation much differently than younger family members. When mother spoke those words, I actually heard my mother saying, 'I wish to die.' I countered with selfish logic supporting a 'stay-the-course' / 'keep on keepin on' lecture. I would argue, "You must not question God's plan for your life." Perhaps God wishes for you to 'touch' one more life and you have not met that person yet." Our conversation always ended the same, Mother graciously conceded the point-of-view perspective to her son, twenty-years her junior. That was good...It was 'win-win' for me; I could then telephone her the next day!
I shall admit that with each passing day, I begin seeing more and more my mother's perspective. Here's the deal as the now generation likes to say; as we grow older there is an widening chasm in our life. The passage of time and checking-off of decades finds the elderly more isolated from sharing because their peer-family members and friends die. Engagement with others becomes less available; problematic. With whom do the elderly recall memories? With whom does the old person visit and share common knowledge and interests?
This insight becomes more crystal as I hit stride in my mid-seventh decade. I cannot telephone my mother, father, aunts, uncles and most cousins. The last Roustio family reunion was (I believe) the sixty-fourth annual gathering; I know fewer and fewer of those folks with each passing year.
I am out of bed every morning about 6:30 A.M. and I hit the roadways for 45 walking minutes. I seem to cover less ground these days and I notice more little aches and pains along the hike. Many of my friends and former co-working peers have passed. Just last week, I was searching a personal 'address/telephone directory book' and I was 'taken-back' by the growing number of names scratched from the booklet; sobering, indeed.
...Momma said there be days like this...my apologies, Mother; I get it.
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