I shall share two quick stories with you who are kind enough to take time to read these daily words. One story explains part of the past the other story offers hope for the future.
We recently had house guests. Our son, Steve and his wife, Kathy and three of their five children came for an overnight visit and joining us for the weekend was Steve's former high school friend/basketball teammate and his girlfriend. It was most enjoyable to reminisce with two of my former players (1980) and listen to familiar stories re-told and new tales unfolding.
Steve's teammate still lives in Jacksonville where I completed a twenty-one year coaching tenure. The local hometown player told of some former players he sees who may speak poorly of their old coach. Of course, this is not 'new' to my ears; perceptions become realities and most assuredly those former players who received limited playing time remember a different perception and thus hold a negative feeling about the coach while those who played a lot have fonder recall-reality of a better mentor. Simple logic rules.
Speaking of perceptions, I recall in my early years at Jacksonville, a community of thirty thousand people and less than 10% 'Black,' a African-American adult whom I came to know very well ask me a serious question. He apologized in advance of his inquiry when he said, "Coach, do 'white' people in Jacksonville offer coaches money to play their kids?" I responded saying, "Frank, I cannot speak to the history of this community or school district and other coaches but I can tell you that I have never been offered money or favors for special player-playing-time consideration and furthermore, I would only play kids who acknowledge me as boss, sacrifice self and who can help us win!" The sad reality of Frank's question is simple: Frank, as many little 'black boys,' grew up in Jacksonville embracing that myth perpetuated in the small 'Black-neighborhood' of Jacksonville.
Another question tossed my way was offered as follows: "Why did some folks say that (coach) you were aloof, distant or appeared pompous?" I explained, "Those perception resulted from an intentional design to insulate myself. Through time and experience in the high school coaching arena, I came to notice that I was indeed every citizens 'coach and should I be perceived as too cozy with one socio-economic group than another, I would offend." "Let me elaborate. Every community has a broad spectrum of social and economic engagements. Should I be with country club folks after ball games I would piss-off those who did not 'run' in that crowd; should I belly up at the local watering hole after the game, I offended the teetotalers. My best bet was to circle the wagons with my coaching staff that's exactly what I did...look, to many I was nothing more than a trinket...The Coach."
Second story: One of my grandsons seems put off by a fall coach who is reluctant giving out 'atta-boy' praises. I cornered this grandson and his brother before they departed my home and asked if they knew the difference between 'intrinsic and extrinsic.' I got the answer I expected; "NO." Therefore, I explained and underscored that extrinsic is fleeting and fickle. If we buy into the extrinsic we run a risk of allowing 'others' to define our value. I then made my case for intrinsic self-motivation and gratification, which places us in control of our self-worth and subsequent self-esteem. I am sure I will repeat that sermon again because it is the most important story of the two you just read.
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