Lord, I Wish I Was 18 Again

If the Good Lord's willing and the creek don't rise, I turn seventy-four next month. Actually the creek has absolutely nothing to do with the possible eventuality. My children always telephone to ask me what I 'want' for birthdays, Christmas and Father's Day. I casually dismiss the inquires with some common suggestion such as socks, underwear or a necktie. One of the aforementioned, I seldom wear. I am thinking, perhaps this birthday I will give them legitimate gift ideas.

Sunglasses would be nice to receive because I lose about three pairs a year. Computer print cartridges can be a good gift since I go through them so quickly. (Note) I am trying to use fewer words but it is difficult with a limited vocabulary. I recently began wearing a hearing aid in my left ear. I am equally hard hearing in my right ear but I need one ear cleared for phone conversations. Anyhow, hearing aid-batteries #10, would be an excellent gift; those darn things don't last very long. I could use a roll of Velcro. I believe it would be wise given these senile senior years to Velcro-secure T.V. remotes, car keys and my wife's cell phone.

 I am constantly getting handkerchiefs out of my chest-of-draws so that is a gift idea; I sneeze a lot. Cologne is always a smart gift for; little boys and old men who tend to smell differently than the rest of the world. I broke my electric pencil sharpener a year ago; I have always liked electric pencil sharpeners; I find them practical and sensuous. I need a new weed-whacker. Ever since my wife over-planted backyard flower beds, I use a whacker as much as the lawnmower! I can still can see the printed page and occasionally, I enjoy a good book. My kids could stop by Barnes & Noble and survey those possibilities. I just must remind the children that I don't care for topics on Fascism; spare anything written by Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity.

I think I'll call the kids this weekend and give them my February 18, birthday wish list. I will suggest that they should likely wait a day or two before the event. Let's be practical in our thinking; at my age the gift return possibility increases annually.