My Rules; My Way

Frank Sinatra sang the song, 'I Did It My Way.' The sign over the commode at the Livingston, Illinois Antique Shop reads: 'Please put the seat down;' obviously some gal wishes 'that' situation to be her way. Rush Limbaugh wrote a book several years ago, which I never read, entitled: 'The Way Things Ought to Be." Interesting how life is perceived better when one gets to 'make the rules.'

Here are just a few things that I would change, if I had My Way:
...all counter tops would be 4-inches higher; I am 6'3"
...attendants would pump my gas and check tires
...first time sex offenders would be imprisoned for life
...parades would have horse 'coming first' to create more excitement
...all lines at Wal Mart would be open
...dance recitals would have a 90-minute time limit
...Black male singers would be prohibited from grabbing their crotch
...White male singers would not be allowed to imitate Black male singers
...theater 'feature films' would start at advertised times and advertisement eliminated
...Fox News could not use the slogan, 'Fair and Balanced.'
...all businesses must have 'real' people answering the telephone
...mail would be delivered every other day and stamps would cost .10c
...vegetables would be bad for you while chocolate and bread would lower blood pressure
...MLB managers would be allowed to use only three pitchers per game
...grass would stop growing at 4-inches
...middle school basketball would not have a three-point arc
...trucks could only use the interstate between the hours of10PM and 6AM
...cell phones would not be allowed in restaurants
...elected officials convicted of a felony could not receive pensions
...college athletes would be held to the same entrance standards as non-athletes
...all electronic and technology devices operate with a simple 'on & off' switch
And finally, females can never complain about the pain associated with giving birth because most women wish to 'get' pregnant a second time; after all the male pain endured when being kicked in the groin is far more excruciating than birthing. You never have heard a man say, "Boy, I'd like to experience that again!"...I rest my case for having it My Way.