Sleepless in Decatur

When I find sleep allusive, I usually get out of bed and busy myself with some on-going project, writings or reading. A few weeks ago when tossing and turning, I got up and turned on the television; NEVER again. If you think prime time television 'sucks,' don't ever television surf after 2 A.M.

There was a preacher fella offering viewers a free vial of 'No Devil Oil.' All I needed to do was telephone a toll free number, give my address and in a few days I would receive the magic potion. This godly guy said that I could take dollar bills and spread them about a table then put a drop of this 'No Devil Oil' on the money and in a few days I would have more money. If I have any aches or pains just rub the 'No Devil Oil' on the pain area and it would no longer hurt. Those with heart conditions can drop this oil on the heart and 'bingo;' no more heart issues. I switched channels.

The 2:30 A.M. show had a middle aged man seated next to a shapely young lady who was perhaps in her mid-twenties. The fella talked about a product called 'Extenze' while the pretty girl spoke no words but did a lot of smiling as if on cue to all explanations regarding the product benefits. The viewers were told that 'Extenze' would enhance the size of the male sex organ. The guy doing the sales-pitch claimed that 'bigger' is not necessarily better but Extenze could also help guys grade out better as lovers; the young lady really grinned at that idea. I switched channels; my fear was I might purchase this product and about six weeks into taking the pill, I would have 'larger' ears and a Pinocchio nose.

I thought my luck could be better with the movie channel; not so, it was a marathon movie week of 'Rocky' movies starring Sylvester Stalone. I watched for five minutes and remembered that Stalone is likely the worst actor in Hollywood's history.

Suddenly, I realized there was a resemblance between the 'No Devil Oil' preacher-salesman and the gent hustling that penis-growth pill. ...and I believe that the guy 'pitching' sales for Oxyclean actually died a few years ago; that's creepy.