You Gotta Find a Way

Recently, I had a telephone call from a young high school basketball coach. He expressed frustration with people in his 'basketball-family;' players and parents. His source of irritation appears to be trenched in the lack of commitment from both parties. He detailed his exasperation pointing to his players' lack of accountability and parents who seemingly enable their child to shun responsibility. Finally, the young mentor said it is becoming increasingly more difficult to verbally motivate. I understand the coach's annoyances and disappointment. I found it compelling how he could outline the negatives of his players and parents so reticently and I have little reason to doubt his assessments.


I attempted to explain that over a thirty-nine year coaching career, I also noticed a gradual but definite attitude change in high school players and their parents. I was more specific when I said, "Let me give an example: In the mid-sixties, I could grab a player by the arm and escort him to the baseline and with a scolding/harsh voice- tone tell him to get his butt in position and cut off this baseline and if necessary, pick up a charging foul."  The players of that decade questioned nothing. However, twenty years later, 1985, I found myself placing 'charge-stickers' on players locker much like the kindergarten teacher places that smiley-face-sticker on a child's school work. I recall making a supper-table comment to my wife during my second-to-last season coaching: One evening after a basketball practice,  I  said, "I don't recognize these players anymore," meaning players have changed over the years. The next season, I told my wife, "I need to walk away from this coaching, I don't recognize myself any longer," meaning, I have changed as much as I can without compromising incontestable principles.


I did suggest to my telephone-calling-protege' that he should not focus only on the negatives he perceives in others but he must self-examine his communication methods. Bottom line is this: The coach must communicate the message...even if it is necessary to sugar coat more or re-examine that which is negotiable-collateral. Everybody wants something! What do you control that others may desire?