Saturday, December 31, 2016

To Stand or To Sit; That is The Question!

As I 'see it' men hate to give up two things: 1) the car keys and 2) standing to pee. At the present, I'm okay driving but the peeing is becoming problematic. Let me explain.

We American men grew up admiring the Cowboys of the Old West. We liked horses and the open range. Translation? Till this day we speak of automobiles in terms of 'horse power.' We fellas also enjoy our 'guns,' which brings me to the second topic...peeing.

Let's go back to my potty-training days. I remember Mother-Lucille coaxing me to pee-pee into a Coke bottle as a way to get me excited about peeing in something other than my pants. I soon caught on and when my output exceeded the regular Coke bottle size, which was the time long before 16-oz bottles, I was then told to stand at the toilet like the big boys and make 'bubbles.' Throughout the years, I have enjoyed many various pee stances.

The recent problem I have is two-fold: pee frequency and puny streams, which often become 'dribbles.'  This means, I am in front of the commode more often experiencing reduced 'hose' power. Dadgummit, I recall in my late teens and early twenties, I feared I would knock the porcelain off the back of the toilet. At seventy-seven, I notice that I can only 'make bubbles' if I lean far enough over the commode with my upper body hanging over the target area and my forehead resting against the wall behind the commode. Picture THAT sports fans! Since this is not the most comfortable posture while waiting for things to 'kick in,' I was told by my Doctor to consider 'sitting' down to pee as a girl. No more stand like a 'Big Boy?'

I ain't too excited about this option...I think I'll go to Walmart and get a 16-ounce bottle of Coke.

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